Saturday, December 02, 2006

Who am I

Ok so I may sound like a broken record, I admit this. However, one thing I know is that every great lesson has several mutations before is owned. So I have had some time running from this kid activity to the next. Those things that I might have skipped when focused on Ironman, I can attend now. With three kids, there is a plethora of activities that previously would have been farmed out or just missed all together. I have found myself trying to make up for lost activism, mommy guilt, forgotten treats and late showings now that training is not my excuse. In fact, (I think to myself), I don't have any excuses so get to the school, field trip, soccer field or playdate. This has evolved into a need to do everything - extreme mom-a-thon. Making bread, decorating, getting everywhere on time, shopping for the family, home repair and scheduling, taking on part time projects and so much more. Unfortunately, there is no finish line with this kind of stuff. There is no measure of progress. There is no P.R. There is no medal at the end of the day, field trip, soccer drive. There are no signs to say good luck as I leave the house in the morning. There are no volunteers handing me coffee from one errand to the next. The other moms are too involved in there own list of "to do's" to work together. Oh how I miss Ironman. I miss my team mates. I miss my coach (even though he makes me feel things I hate to feel). I miss my frustration of how and when to take a shower between pool swims. I miss those long slow rides, I miss (cant believe I am saying this) those threshold workouts. So now I just take all those "miss-ing" times and use them to create a new level of certainty. Perhaps this is serving to make me even more sure of what I want. Perhaps this is serving to make me really decide what I want to do with the next Ironman. Who will I influence? How will I use it to make a difference. How will I own my next race. Perhaps when I decide this - I will ride, run and swim. Let the healing begin


Flatman said...

It sounds like you have an addiction! ;)

dawnelder said...

yep it is full on endorphin addiction.