Sunday, January 28, 2007
It has been such a long time since I felt like I could organize my thoughts into something that didn't sound like more of the same. In that time, there was not much that was going "my way". Since I come from a belief system that if one believes enough one can create anything - I was clearly not in a good place. I was beliving and creating all over the place and getting "bum" results. I have been in that place before and basically it comes down to when one "hits the wall" the only thing to do is "turn left". So while I was really tempted to park myself at "the wall" (meaning nothing I did seemed to work and I was going nowhere fast"), I also know that those are the times when trust that more will be revealed comes in handy. I have done enough races to provide the metaphore that there are going to be times that nothing seems to be working. The food isn't working, the energy supplements don't work, stopping to pee doesnt work, the tail wind isn't even making me feel better. These are the times that just turing the peddles over and putting one step in front of the other or just staying in between the buoys is all that is needed to get past it and before I know it time has come to get off the bike, get out of the water or the finish line shows up. So that is just about how I have done life. The work situation isn't going as planned, the relationship situation is frustrating, kids are demanding, friends seem to be distant and - the worst, the training is hard and improvements coming slow. So much fitness was lost and finding it seems to be taking every bit of the time off. So this is when I just stay between the shores, keep my eye on the direction I most desire to go and trust. What do I trust when all that around me that I usually trust (even my own body) seems to be just below the bar? That is why I do the Ironman thing. Somewhere in that very long day is the perfect metaphore for any given life experience both good and challenging. So I know "just keep moving forward" and things will change.
Today I went out to do the "Hill Ride". Look I know it is early, that 3 months ago I had back surgery, this was only my second time on my bike on the road (I have been in "trainer hell") and that I had no idea how it would go. Now these hills are nothing to laugh at. They are long and steep. They twist and turn. They are bumpy and deceiving. Basically they laugh at cyclist and dare you to just stay up right. They welcome sports cars and those loud obnoxious fast motorcycles and they laugh at the able bodied cyclist. They seem to be lost for a south texan athlete - they must have come from Colorado or the East coast. They even house a group of Maples and a park called "Lost Maples" . So here we go. I figure if I can stay up right on these, I have a good chance at doing the same in California in March. So up I went. The first one giggled, the second sat up right and took notice, the rollers in between growled and made fun of my certainty and finally the third laughed and tossed some little rocks of the cliffs to mock me. My back squealed, my legs yelped and my shoulders cried. My mind.... ha my mind changed. I grew more stubborn. I became pissed that these hills were determined to make me think I was weak. How dare they? What did I ever do to them but show them the attention and appropriate fear. Well not again! They would not break me. I would, somewhere, on that road remember. Remember, my strength and fortitude. I would remember that I was - NO am AN ATHLETE! That I have a purpose. That I am a representative to all those that wonder what is possible. That I do this to remember that life can change with every breath I take. That it is never permantant. That no matter how much I feel like my power to create has taken a vacation - it hasn't. That all I need to do is keep moving to be reminded. That what I did today is make up my mind to do this step and I DID it. That all of this dreaming of Kona is only one part of this amazing journey. So while on most of the decents I held on for dear life while the hills mocked me...the last one I Owned and with that I released the brakes and OWNED my destiny. TAKE THAT HILLS...till we meet again.