I’m All In -
A little over a year ago, I made the decision to revisit an old relationship. At the time I thought I had gone as far as I could in my current relationship and the staleness was creeping in. Like most failed love affairs, there was the question of “did we do everything” so I accepted a date. In the mean time, the spark was reignited in the love affair that I was already in but the date had already been set so I went through with it. Admittedly, I was torn and didn’t really put all my heart in it at first. As the date got closer I started to fantasize about the possibilities. I was cheating a bit but was justifying that I would at least know where I stood. My old love had grown so much maybe we could give it a go but every great relationship can’t be done half way and this one deserves total commitment. I knew better.
I thought there might be the slightest chance that the old spark would turn into a flame once again. I have always believed that you have to dance with the flame to feel the energy of life. I also knew that I was really enamored with the possibilities of the real spark of the lava of my relationship. I had spent so much time praying for us to take it to the ultimate level. This wasn’t unlike the prayers I’d had in the old flame but we just never got there all the way, yet this current love had made the shift and that was where my heart really was. Sometimes unanswered prayers are a good thing.
So the time came for our dance, the old flame and me. Oh it was hot and it hurt. I was amazed at how bad it hurt. It was familiar. It is so easy to forget the bitter pain and the promise to myself of moving on. It was fast and furious at first and then got muddled pretty quick. How is this happening? There was so much excitement. So many were watching this dance and yet soon we were out of step. Now looking back, I am glad I didn’t know how bad this would hurt. I might not have had the chance to really be certain of where my heart lies. We gave it a go. There will be others happy here, but my heart has moved on to a different sunset.
We have both grown and moved on with our paths. My path now is much longer with the passion of volcanoes and heat of lava. The excitement is there as is the unknown. I kiss Boston goodbye. We danced a few times and I will always be grateful that I learned so much about myself during our time together and that prepared me for so much more. I will always hold a special place in my heart for that affair as it really set me on the path for the passion I now experience. Like it’s been said, “ Life is like a windshield, not a review mirror. The only way to get where you are going is to find that next gear”. So I am all in and lets see where this love takes me.