To The Moon and Back!

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Where did the summer go?  It seems like just yesterday I was prepping for Ironman Tx. With a stress fracture in my left foot and in the boot yet again – this has become a bit of “old hat”.  As we have done this three other times before, coach said, " this is just how we do it".  I am so grateful for my sponsors at Promotion Physical Therapy and the use of the Alter G treadmill.  I ran several 20-mile runs on the "moon".  The day of the race came and as usual for us - I just wasn't sure how the foot would feel but I trusted that we were well beyond the healing period and my drive and passion would carry us through.  Sure enough the foot held up as the temperatures rose. 

 I thought it was ironic that I went from running on the mood to racing on the surface of the sun.  The swim was a mess and I had the worse swim that I have had in years.  Just didn't find my rhythm nor was I clear on the course.  I knew I had work to do on the bike to make up the deficit I had created by having a poor swim.  Thankfully coach and I had created a great plan.  I had power numbers thanks to the sponsorship from Britton's Bicycle Shop and helping me get an awesome race wheel with power.  I stayed right on the edge of within myself and felt so solid with the plan.  One-loop courses don't usually work for me, as I like to chase so I made up my own chase game.  Before I knew it I was back to the Woodlands and saw one of my most amazing support group ready to call into the rest of the crew that I was headed to transition.  As I came off the bike, I heard the crew tell me I was in second.  All right lets stick to the plan and see what the legs and feet can do.  Having not run on gravity for over 6 weeks, how much pounding the legs can take is always the unknown. 

As I started the run I knew my spotters would be cheering for me and I would be easy to spot thanks to my new Sunrise Kit from my sponsor Smashfest Queen!  A big group of girls that I work with would also be decked out in Smash gear and I spent each loop looking for those hummingbirds!  First loop came and went and as I started on the second loop I realized I was feeling a bit and the stomach was not cooperating.  Ok hang on and we can mentally chunk down this next loop.  I went from spotter to spotter and that is how we did the second loop.  I know that seeing those that are important for me along the course is like mental Windex and helps me to remember that I am not whatever I am feeling at the moment. I knew I went from second to third and I knew that I was holding my place.  The third loop included messages from Coachie in Australia, Chris in Tucson and chunking it down even more into little tiny pieces.  This was my second fastest Ironman and the most meaningful.  It was truly a "this is your life" day from racing through the town I lived in a s a little girl, to having my dearest friends from throughout my life to my children and finally to those I coach cheering and spotting as well as my "brother from another mother" team mate Tim Perkin racing with me. 

 At the awards ceremony I found out that I had indeed performed well enough to punch my ticket to the Ironman World Championships in Kona yet again.  Yep, I was over the moon as it is such a privilege to get to compete at the championships on the same stage as some of the most talented athletes in the world. 

Like any big accomplishment, it never is a solo effort.  I am blessed to have a team that all get to take credit in this journey.  I never could have made it to the start line or the finish if not for the team that shared in my goals and passion.  My coach, Hillary Biscay who worked with my physical therapists Justin Martindale and Ashley Belrose at Promotion Physical Therapy to create a training plan that allowed a solid progression on the Alter G treadmill and strong strength work to correct the niggles that continue to haunt me.  Hopefully we have uncovered one of the issues contributing to the problems with my feet.  Smashfest Queen for making me look awesome before the race, on the course and on the podium!  My chiropractor, Nick Milnor kept weekly tune ups on my very crooked spine to keep the lines of communication open between my core and the rest of my body. Coach Susan Ingram pushed me in the water to get my collar bone strong in the water.  All my friends and family gave me the nod of encouragement and support along the way. 

So begins my journey back to the surface of the sun on the big island of Hawaii.  I am less than 60 days out and training is going better than it ever has.  My feet are showing no signs of break down.  My mind is as sharp as ever.  New benchmarks have been hit as well as a strong plan for accomplishing a good race.  The team at Promotion have tweaked and tuned my body and played detective to see what it needs to perform at my best.  Hillary as given some me some new benchmarks and we have chipped away to be fitter than ever.  So I have been to the moon, to the sun, back over the moon and looking forward to my dance on the surface of the sun!

What Now??? Staying in the Game

Well it happens to the best of us.  It also happens to most of us if we move.  We get a “niggle” or worse – an injury.  Either way, we are stopped in our tracks.  As an athlete that likes to see what is possible, I have had more than a few of these experiences.  As a coach I have seen what happens to the athlete as it becomes their reality.  Learning to manage the situation regardless of the severity will make all the difference in the outcome. 

The first issue that must be addressed is the fact that most of us have our identity wrapped up in the results of our sport.  When we can’t perform we are forced to ask the question “who am I”.  This is a valuable process but also very difficult.   We must extract our ego from the result and get clarity on why we do whatever it is that we chose to do.  What do we get out of it?  How does it feed our soul?  What do we really have control over?  Is our self worth dependant on results or the process of getting results?

Once we have a grasp on where our value really comes from and what our identity truly is as an athlete, then we can begin to evaluate what we chose as the process of getting back to action.  We become aware that our experience really is about the journey rather than the destination and this is just part of the journey.  We stop giving attention to the limiter and start focusing on the solution to getting back on the path because we know that the “path” is just that a path.  When we get out of our own way, the body can on with it’s job of healing.  I have been told and have experienced that fact that the body is an amazing healing machine.  Our job is only to coax it along and get out of the way of that healing.  As a coach, I have seen so many athletes trying to “force “ the healing by rushing the process or by ignoring the symptoms all together.  This doesn’t allow the body to do what it needs to do and the athlete becomes even more frustrated and a very vicious injury cycle starts.  So at this point in the process, we start asking what the body needs to heal and creating a team of objective advocates for our body.  I have a complete team of “healers” and advocates that I trust and know what my goals are and can remind me of the process while coaxing my body into the healing track.  My body’s advocates include my physical therapists at Promotion Physical Therapy, , my sports doctors, chiropractor at 4Xtreme Health and my coach, Hillary Biscay.  They all communicate with one another and are on the same page. 

Now we start to ask the best question: What can I do to stay in the game and out of the way?  Are there modalities that will allow me to be in the game?  Can I do some of my sport? Can I just move?  Is there technology available to keep me moving?  Studies have shown that movement helps the body heal at a quicker rate than sedentary.  It is critical to get moving in the way that supports healing.

Finally and perhaps the hardest part, is applying the lessons learned from the beginning of the process to what the process looks now.  If I can only walk, can I walk with the same excitement and dedication as I did before?  Can I still glean the lessons I need to learn while not working at the same place as I did before the bump in the path.  If I am focused on the bigger questions I will get the lessons I need and will return to the game.  In that process, I become a more complete person and athlete.  I will be able to play again even harder until we come back around to learning the next lesson.  

Sharks and Minnows

I am not sure when it happened exactly.  At some point, I began to care less about being the Best and became much more interested in becoming the best that I can be.  There is a difference.  I was less interested in being the big fish in a small pond and much more interested in being a small fish in a big sea.  The Best is relative to those with whom I am surrounded.  The Best is about my ego.  The Best is short lived.  The Best is about being a big fish in a small sea.

The best that I can be is not dependent on anyone else but myself.  The best that I can be is about telling myself the truth about who I am at any given time.  The best that I can be is always about seeing a new level within myself.  The best that I can be is about being a small fish in a big sea.

At any time we are given the ability to make a choice with those whom we chose to associate with.  We are faced with choices daily to reach for the challenge or stay within our comfort zone.  Here is the thing – many people convince themselves that they can’t do more.  Fear of failure is a powerful thing. 

What is often forgotten is that we are able, prepared and fully capable of doing the very thing we convince ourselves we cannot do.  Most of us in this sport have figured this out on some level – that is how we got to triathlon.  Yet, within the journey of preparing for a race there is any number of opportunities to consider the many places we have questioned our abilities.  I have had the experience many times where a particular workout or interval has shown up in my plan and I have had the chance to rewrite the idea that I don’t have what it takes and have surprised myself.  I have done this enough times that now I look for the times when I can amaze myself. 

Somewhere along the line I adopted the idea that to get the results I desired all I needed to do is find someone getting those results and do what they did to the best of my ability.  Sometimes that means swimming with the sharks and feeling like a minnow.  As I get ready to go to training camp, I have that familiar feeling. Just like going to camp as a kid – who will the new kids be?  Will I be able to hang with them?  I can’t wait to see my old friends! The best part of putting myself in a new training environment with new training partners is that I get to see what I can do.  I get to redefine the Best that I can be.  Being a small fish in a big sea is about learning to be faster, stronger and tougher both in Ironman and in life!

Anchors Aweigh!

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Do you remember it?  That first school dance?  The first date? The song you listened to on the way to your first race? The song playing at the finish line of your first Ironman?  I often refer to these moments as anchors.  Sometimes they are the “lucky … whatever”.  These are how we get anchored to our memories.  I have mine and if anyone knows me it is always music.  I have the songs that my kids call “pump up music” that they know as Mom getting ready for a hard session or a race.  I have those artist that have “held my hand” to get me through some rough times.  I have those songs that seem to always show up on a play list right when I need it to get through the next interval.  All of them – I have learned to use as an emotional anchor to get me where I need to be.  Today I learned that one of my favorite bands is calling it quits.  So while I was on the bike I got to thinking about anchors.  These were my “go to” songs and theirs was the “go to “ concert to watch when Coachie need me to learn knew levels of Smashfests. 

But here is the thing about anchors – they are just that, an anchor.  The heavy weight to hold a ship in place.  There isn’t much progress in that.  Sure it is fun to remember the good times.  To reach back and feel what it felt like to party like a rock star or hit all new watts or make that interval is great.  The thing is that if I stay in that place – I don’t get on down the road.  I don’t feel new great victories or have new incredible experiences. 

I don’t drive the race course and I certainly don’t pre ride it.  I have found that has the possibility of creating a negative anchor.  I have found for me it is best to let the race come to me on the day and trust my training.  I don’t want to have some apprehension about “that hill”.  I know how to handle all the conditions if I have prepared. 

So here is to anchors away and charting the ever changing course.  Here is to embracing what unfolds on the day because that is what racing and training for Ironman can do for us.  We can learn to roll with the punches and live on the Wild Side! 

What goes on between the ears....

Yet another Ironman weekend in the books.   I am so thankful for this sport and all the wonderful friends I have made since being in the sport.  What a treat to get to see so many of them lay it all out there last weekend.  I am always amazed that the quality of human tenacity and spirit that propels the body over the course of the day.  While getting in my own training with a friend, I was asked what I think about when I am racing and training.  I actually have been thinking of writing about this so the timing was perfect - thanks Megan!

I have and am very fortunate to have had some amazing mentors and coaches to light the way for me.  Some of them may be surprised to realize that their words of wisdom were not always lost on me and in fact stuck only to be replayed during any given training session.

Simon Lessing told me that the pool is the one place that I can and should always "race".  There are those times where I can get into just an easy rhythm rather than really grabbing the water.  This takes some commitment to really focus on the clock and tell myself the truth about what is showing up in the pool that day. 

Todd Erickson reminds me to avoid getting flat.  His take is "don't be a barge". This is a thought I have replayed during just about every race since I first heard him tell me. 

Susan Ingraham  is always tweaking my stroke and has taught me to ask the question "why not" fearlessly.  

Chris Aarhus was my first triathlon coach as well as cycling coach.  Volumes could be written here on all that I learned from Chris.  For the purpose of this piece I will stick to just a few.  "If you want to go faster pedal faster". Seems simple but often I find that it is easy to just get into a rut rather than really stay focused.   Sometimes it is just about turning the peddles over faster – although not necessarily in an easier gear!  Chris also taught me the importance of accepting the suffering, “give the legs time to accept the discomfort, Dawn”. 

Chris Legh was so brilliant to teach me the concept of “it’s not like you are going to die”. He should know as he gave it to himself so hard at Ironman that he collapsed.  He came pretty close and if he didn’t, the likelihood of me meeting the grim reaper on the course is slim. 

  Hillary Biscay has and continues to teach me so much about going for it.  Before every race, I ask for a race plan and at the end of each of those conversations she reminds me that “we are RACING”.   Hillary has also reminds me that the pain I can experience is directly in my control and that I can make it happen more that my competitors if I chose.  I love that I am in control and I can “make it hurt”.  So much of life feels like we don’t have a choice with discomfort and in racing, reaching my goals is in direct proportion the my willingness to embrace the suffering as a good thing.  
When I am training and racing I have realized it is critical to listen to what I actually telling myself.  Words have power - not only those that we hear from others, but just as important are those that we tell ourselves.   Being ever conscious of what is happening between the ears makes all the difference in any training session and race.  

Sometimes it is just Messy

There are those times.  It just happens naturally.  Everything just seems to fit and flow perfectly.  It is amazing.  When it does - I feel unstoppable and on top of the world.  And, Thank God it does!

And then there are those other times.  When everything seems slightly off.  Timing is just not right.  It is messy.  It feels slightly forced.  That was what Longhorn 70.3 felt like.

I had a full weekend that did not include ideal racing conditions.  It was my college homecoming and one of my dearest friends was coming in for her birthday which developed into a min reunion of some of my oldest friends.  Because adding this to my race roster was a last minute decision,  I was forced to do the 80 mile drive to packet pick up, back to San Antonio then back to Austin for the race on race morning.  Not a lot of rest.

Morning of the race the heavens decided to grace us with a steady downpour.  Now on one hand that would mean cooler temperatures and on the other that would mean a muddy T1 and wet slippery roads.  I have not been cleared to go down again and put the clavicle at risk so wet roads are not ideal.  Coachie had given me a goal for my watts to keep me honest and I was grateful for that and a bit nervous as well.  I knew the swim would be tenuous at best.  I had been banned from the pool for 2 weeks prior to the race in order to allow the scattered bones of my collarbone to find each other and connect.  My run training had been solid so I knew it would a great chance to see where the run actually was.  I also knew that this course is conducive to some fun racing conditions for me as a chance to see friends and loved ones on the course during the race.

As the sky's cleared and we lined up for our wave starts, I was relaxed and excited to meet up with a very good friend and fierce competitor. Karen and I have raced against each other since the beginning of time.  I have such respect for her as a mom, woman and competitor and I know that she will always bring out the best in me.  Lining up next to her is a treat as we become like two school girls squealing, hugging and catching up right until the gun goes off.  When it did - she was gone! Like really gone.  Now we usually swim very similar times so this was a bit telling.  About this time, I started to mentally write my race report.  That one included all kinds of explanations about a broken collarbone, lack of swimming and a fair amount of mental sandbagging.   I know better.  I know that if I allow myself the luxury of this kind of mental masterbation I am setting myself up for a crap race that I wont get back.  See once the splits are recorded no one cares how or why they are what they are just that they show a disconnect.   There is no "do over".   This is racing.  Racing requires presence of mind.  So I pulled out all the stops to get my mind back on track.  I reminded myself that the quickest way out of the frustration is to actually swim hard or at least as hard as my body would allow.  I focused on the fact that once I was on the bike I could re-asses and settle into the plan.  So I dug deep and fought against the lack of connection with the water.

The interesting thing about racing in South Texas is that there is any number of external challenges that can add to the flavor of a race.  A pleathera of sadistic little stickers required carrying our bikes through the long transition area to avoid flats.  That also required running through the mud bath in our cleats.  As I got to the mount line I realized I had cleats full of mud and a chain that was off the ring.  Crap!  Do not write the race report, do not write the race report... stay in the moment.... stay in the f'ing game. Yep at this point the voices in my head resorted to stronger language.

The bike was uneventful.  Having the pleasure of being one of the earlier waves resulted in one of the cleanest rides I have had in a long time.  I did not have the massive peloton passing me that I have had on other races.  I was thankful for the watts goal as that kept my head focused even when I felt as if I was in no mans land.  Still much of the ride just felt "off". The legs pushed but felt harder than I thought it should based on my training.  "Stay out of the Story and Dig Deep" was the mantra.  There are just times that it doesn't feel "right".  It is important to remember that just because it doesn't "feel" right doesn't necessarily mean it isn't right.  Sometimes it is just a bit messy and off and that doesn't mean it cant be good.

In to T2 and I was ready to run or rather get off the bike.  The run in Austin is different almost every year.  There is no shortage of crowd support and usually heat, humidity and  hills.  This year the cloud cover staved off the heat for much of the day.  The run was 3 loops and through plenty of mud - yep more messiness.  Again, early on it I was aware that it just didn't feel "right".  At this point in the day, we are presented with options.... walk, walk aid stations, walk the hills, jog or make it hurt.  That became the new mantra - "make it hurt".  No matter how much it hurt, I could make it hurt more. At least then the messiness would be on my terms not on factors out of my control.  The fastest way to the end is to move as hard and as fast as I could.   So that is what I did, even when the Garmin said I wasn't moving very fast.  Sometimes you just have to fake it and make it look like you aren't.

That is how it goes sometimes.  There are times that it just flows.  It is perfect and feels almost easy. That it is fast, furious and really fun.  Then there are times that it is messy and hard and requires digging deep to stay in it.   We remember that we decided to do this when it felt good and we stick with it even when it doesn't.  When we have an entire community pulling for us to make it. When we do all the hard work it is easy to think that the result will be one of "those" times and can be shocking when it isn't.  The good news is that like any great commitment - the reward comes from staying with it through the hard times, through being willing to dig deep even make it hurt a bit and staying present to the lessons to be learned, to fake it until you make it and avoiding "riding shot gun through the valley of the shadow of doubt" that gets you to the finish line and the time of your life.  Such is how it is Ironman!


Thanks to my coach Hillary Biscay, Smashfest Queen for making me look great, Robert Cordova photography for capturing it all, Gu and Vega for fueling the day and Rick Avalos and Brittons Bike Shop for taking care of me and Crush so that we can dig deep. 

Growing Pains

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.  - Theodore Roosevelt

My very first mentor, Dr. Jack Barnathan introduced me to the teachings of Theodore Roosevelt with applications to being in the world of fitness and physical accomplishment.  I will forever be grateful for Dr. Jack as he raised the bar for me.  I have blogged about sitting in front of the TV watching Ironman when I was a teenager.  The next piece was sitting in a class that Dr. Jack was teaching and listening a guest speaker talk about her experience in doing a triathlon.  After a weekend of being challenged to rise above conventional wisdom and choose greatness from Dr. Jack, I knew there was no turning back from the Ironman journey.

While not everyone in my circles has understood how and why I train the way I do, I have had many an opportunity to examine what is right for me.  I have been challenged to "dare greatly" in this sport by my coach, friends, team mates, those I coach and those that went before me.  When stepping out to do that, the one thing that can be assured of is the risk and most certainly the stumble.  I have made mistakes along the way.  They were only mistakes when I chose to not glean a lesson the first time and had to do it that way again.  I have stumbled and have been "marred with dust, sweat and blood".  Yet every stumble, every scrape and every break as proven to provide me with a metaphor for sport and life.  When a bone breaks and then repairs, the place where the break once was is now stronger than ever.  I remember that my soul is like a bone, the times that I feel broken are also the times that I am being forged to be even stronger in life and in sport.  It is my belief that those of us that chose to put it all out there risk much and gain even more.

So I am on the road to recovery from my epic flight over handle bars.  After Las Vegas I was to take two whole weeks non weight bearing on my shoulder.  The good news is that there has been obvious physical healing. The uncertainty is that now the structure of the shoulder is much different and the remaining anatomy is getting to learn to operate in a new way.  This is painful.  I am reminded of when my children had growing pains.  Those pains were very real as are those in my shoulder.

I get to let go of where I was in July.  I get to let go of old times and standards.  My path just took a new turn.  I will get to retrain my shoulder.  The learning curve will be what it is and will not be rushed.  That is how the sport is for me.  There are no shortcuts and only processes that demand complete awareness and consciousness.  There is not magic but there are miracles.

So for now... back to some baby steps and growing pains and lots of fun on the way to victory and defeat!  Thank you Dr. Jack for making me Dare Greatly!

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
Theodore Roosevelt
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/theodore_roosevelt_4.html#UIvMp7OUXhGI745H.99It

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
Theodore Roosevelt
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/theodore_roosevelt_4.html#UIvMp7OUXhGI745H.99

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
Theodore Roosevelt
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/t/theodore_roosevelt_4.html#UIvMp7OUXhGI745H.99

Vegas Baby! Shall we Dance?

In June, when we made the call to accept the slot for Vegas I never dreamed that it would be the last race of my season.  Yet the one thing that I have learned through my life as an athlete is that the best laid plans can sometimes go very awry.  In spite of this fact, I have also learned that anything can and will happen especially in the face of adversary.  Two weeks after accepting the slot for Las Vegas 70.3 World Championship, I had an freak bike accident that resulted in my collarbone ending up in five pieces.  Now as a triathlete, we need that little bone for most of our activities.  While our initial goal was to continue on to the Ironman in Louisville we knew it would be questionable as the accident was exactly 6 weeks out from Ironman.  Las Vegas would give us an extra two weeks and we realized that every minute of those additional two weeks would be needed in order to be able to toe the line.

So why not just let it go?  Why not step out of the season and let the bone heal and come back with aspirations for next year?  Experience has taught me that anything can happen and I am an athlete at my core.  Inherently competition defines an athlete so with the support of my coach, Hillary Biscay, Dr. Richard Steffen, Dr. Justin Martindale and Nick Milnor, DC entire team and many amazing friends, I showed up in Sin City.

I knew that this would be my usual reunion time.  I have been in the sport long enough that one of the most favorite parts of racing is getting to see my friends from all over at races.  I have been fortunate enough to train and race with some of the very best age group athletes in both sport as well as spirit.  I'm thankful for social media and email that allows us to develop some very special bonds and I look forward to any chance to reconnect in person.  I knew that I was going to have a blast with many friends on this course and looked forward to it.  My good friend and professional triathlete, Robbie Wade was to be my roomie for the race.  We train together in San Antonio so it was great to spend some time out of the pool talking about our race.  All of this social time proved to distract me from the still moving bones in my left shoulder.

Race morning came with rain showers that made things interesting for 2/3rds of the race.  I had a great time meeting up with everyone in the rain. This ( I kept telling myself) is the essence of triathlon - playing like kids in the rain.  We get to chase each other in the water with a bit of "marco polo", play "king of the hill" on the bike and then have an epic game of chase after the bike.  Clearly I was in my element and thrilled to even be there.  I lined up with one of my favorite competitors, Sue Aquilla.  Sue and I have raced against each other several times and she is just one of the coolest chicks.  Our coaches are besties and that lets us have fun with them as well.

The swim started with a fair amount of questions in my head.  The goal was to swim as hard as I could with the shoulder.  I had about 6 swims under my belt going into the race and knew that I had seen some painful numbers that were close to what I would normally swim but not for the distance.  Again - this is about seeing what is possible on race day and anything is possible.  I was with the front pace of women in my age group but as we swam into the men's group in front of us I decided on caution.  Having played "tag" in the water with the men before I thought it prudent to protect what bone had already developed.

Out on the bike I was ready to settle in.  I have often said that the only flat part of this race is the swim and based on my swim times I  am pretty sure it isn't flat either. The first 25 miles I spent in the mental space of "it's raining stay off the paint and don't crash" to "we are racing".  Shortly after the turn around I saw a jersey that I determined would not gain on me.  That is about the time that the fear turned around.  I determined that if I was going to go down again at least I was going to do it on the biggest stage I could be on at the time.  This was not the time to hold back because I was afraid.  This was the time to look what demons I had and get on with it.  We had a wonderful battle and I am forever grateful for my competitors for without them I would not be given the opportunity to have this experience of myself on the edge.  I just cant get there without them.

As I transitioned to the run - "The Jersey" came into transition.  It was non other than Colleen DeReuck. Now that chick is a running stud with a resume longer than most.  A formidable opponent for sure and I was thrilled to be out there with her in spite of my collarbone.  The run was the giant question mark, but also this was the time I was going to get to see everyone!  I was happy camper most of the time.  It was hard, but getting to watch for high fives from friends kept my mind occupied for 9 miles.  By then I had seen everyone and chased as much as the shoulder would let me. At that time, well it got ugly in the hurt box. This is when I got to decide exactly who I am - yet again.  See I am not nor will I ever be a "wade in the shallow end" type girl.  I have always been a " dive in the deep end, push the limits, drive fast and jump out of airplanes" type girl.  That means that I do this stuff to bump right up against my limits and fears and shake hands with them and then see what kind of dance we do.  Sometimes its a tango and sometimes its a jive - either way we are going to get after it.  Every time I get to learn about myself and every time my fears get to be confronted.  The cool part about that is I am the one that chooses to look that fear square in the face and question the validity of its existence instead of waiting for it to rear its ugly head when I least suspect it.  Don't get me wrong, it has happened (more of late that I care to admit) but I have developed the tools to bob and weave around it through squaring off on my terms as much as possible.

All in all it was a perfect day.  I got to go as hard as I could, see my friends do the same, play in the mud,  ride my bike screaming down hills, play tag, stand up to my inner bully and giggle most of the time and shed a little tear at the end.  On the back side, I can't wait to do it all again!

Thank you so much to everyone that helped get me there - especially Gu Energy, Britton's Bike Shop, Rudy Project, Vega Nutrition

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.
Muhammad Ali

Re-evaluate, Redirect and Renew

The definition of "re" - action done over, often with the implication that the outcome of the original action was in some way impermanent or inadequate, or that the performance of the new action brings back an earlier state of affairs

There has been a lot of this lately.

As we knew it would be a long shot that the bones of my collarbone would become sticky enough to let me tackle Ironman Louisville in exactly 6 weeks from the accident.  I am so fortunate to live in a time when we do have all kinds of technology to work around different situations.  So I have done all kinds of running on a simulated moon and all kinds of riding on simulated roads while in my living room or even better set up right next to my virtual moon.  There was only one problem - there wasn't anyway to simulate a virtual pool that my left arm could tolerate.  Also seems that while my bones will and do heal, we are a bit off from being very "sticky".  Think post it note sticky now rather than Gorilla Glue.

So a few days before "game time" for Ironman Lou I got in the pool and realized that swimming 2.4 miles would be painful at best.  While I love racing and I love seeing all my friends at races and I am passionate about what Ironman represents, I have had my "Julie Moss" moment.  I knew that I would not be racing for a slot and I had to re-evaluate what I would gain from forcing a race.  We decided that what was in my best interest is to get a few more weeks of healing to happen and redirect our focus to 70.3 Worlds.  In the beginning of the year, Coachie had asked for my goals.  My goals were a top spot on the podium and a World Championships slot.  Seems I may have not been specific enough.  I accomplished my goals at the half distance so that is where we put our focus.

Sure enough, 3 days after deciding to redirect my focus I was able to swim. It wasn't pretty but I was able swim 500 meters.  Two days later we were at 1500 and two days later we were over 2000 - beauty!  My energy was Renewed as my passion for the sport.  While I won't be very competitive as the bones are still not "Super Gule" worthy, I will be able to go without creating more damage and enjoy the challenge.

This hasn't been the season I dreamt it would be, this is after all the sport of Ironman.  Just like when racing, we have to be ready to adapt to any situation with the commitment of getting the most out of the experience.  In life, we don't really get a DNF and I chose to race like I chose to live life!  The only real choice we have is what are we going to learn and enjoy while on the course.  As of late, I have many chances to make real clear choices of continuing on the course regardless of what is given to me.  I know that will make me an even better competitor when I am back on the big course.  Ironman experience seems to juxtapose with life for me.  Every day is an opportunity to renew a commitment to live life full out and train full out to learn the most that I can about myself and to know that Anything is Possible.

So next week we toe the line in Las Vegas at the 70.3 World Championships.  I am so thankful for my team that has had unending faith in my ability to overcome and get on the course.  Hillary Biscay my coach that never ceases to amaze me in her faith in me.  Smashfest Queen that has allowed me to continue to be an ambassador and allowed me to represent even during this adventure.  Dr. Steffan at Sports Medicine Associates of San Antonio.   Melissa Martindale and Dr. Justin Martindale at Promotion Physical Therapy for sponsoring this journey and letting me have a run on the moon experience on the Alter G as I needed.  Dr. Nick Milnor at 4Xtreme Health for reminding me that the body is a healing machine. Jim Britton at Britton's Bicycle Shop for providing me with everything I need to do the best I can on the day and in training. 

In the spirit of Ironman, lets go play!! 

Around not Through

I am three weeks post "up close meeting with asphalt" and broken collar bone. What a journey this has been.  Certainly not one I would have chosen or could have anticipated coming off of the high of winning my age group at Buffalo Springs just the week before.  This is the Ironman Journey and if there is one thing I have learned in this process is that the best laid plans rarely go as they are supposed to and success is rolling with the punches as you stay present to what is happening.  So just like in racing, I have been using the same tactics in this process. 

The first step was to assemble a "team" that had experience in handling this situation as well as had my best interest in mind.  This team must know what my short and long term goals are and be on board to make those happen.  My team consists of my Coach Hillary Biscay, my Physical Therapist Justin Martindale at Promotion Physical Therapy and my group of doctors at San Antonio Sports Medicine Associates including Dr. Stephan and Dr. Allen as well as Dr. Nick Milnor DC.  I remember reading about how the Ironman World Champion Chrissie Wellington was instructed to "defer to no one" the eve of her inaugural race.  That is a concept I have adopted in training, racing and healing.  I recognize that everyone has different experiences and these are individuals that I have come to know well and have my goals close to their heart.  They are my team and I trust them and listen to them only. 

The second step was to use this team to create a plan.  Ironman Louisville was exactly 6 weeks from the accident.  Ironman 70.3 World Championships is 2 weeks after that.  My team and I knew we had our work cut out for us.  This would and is still a day to day evaluation process.  I have learned that as athletes our bodies are amazing healing machines as long as we are well versed in the language of the body.  This has been a challenge for me but I am getting better at it with the help of my team.  So we looked at what modalities of training and maintaining fitness are available and would fit in with this injury.  As it happens, Promotion got delivery of an Alter G treadmill right as the doctor cleared me to run on an Alter G.  Perfect! Now I can keep my run fitness without jarring the bones as they do their job of finding each other.  Coach and I both believe in the value of quality sessions on the trainer and I was entertained by the last week of the Tour De France while learning how much range of motion my arm would give me on the trainer.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that while getting into aero position was painful once there I was comfortable.  Ok, now we are talking!  With the use of a few other modalities and the watchful eye of the docs I am still getting some quality work done. 

The third step was to go to work between my ears.  This is probably the hardest part of the process.  I know how to train.  I know to trust my team.  When I am healthy - I know exactly why I do this sport. When a bump in the road (literally) shows up, we are challenged to confront the "why's".  How much of this is about forcing a situation or is this really about becoming more of who I am.  What value is this giving to me and to my life.  As a coach, I have seen so many athletes steam roll right through a situation for the sake of the "steam roll" rather than taking stock in what and why they are doing this sport.  I have also seen many athletes see an injury as a "get off the hook" card and thus become de-conditioned athletes with an excuse.  My experience is quite different.  As long as I am clear on what I want to learn about myself in the process of training and racing, I am going to be able to go around the injury rather than right through it.  Sometimes that will get me back on the course and others it will be a time to step back (not out).  I have come to trust that in either situation I will learn what I need to about myself and perhaps would not have had the chance without the change of course.  I am still in the process of paying attention to what I can glean from this situation.  What I do know is that while we look for ways to have certainty in racing, there are times where we just won't have it.  I have observed that the best in the sport revel in the uncertainty and are able to ask the little questions  - "what do I need right now", "what is happening right now" and "what can I do right now".  In any training day or race we will have the chance to experience things going awry despite the best planning.  As in life, all we can do is asses the right now.  While I think it is contrary to our nature as goal setters to stay in the moment; sometimes that is all we have.  What I know is that the only way to get to the finish line is to take yet another stroke, turn the peddle over one more time or put one foot in front of the other.  What I do know is that life can change with every breath we take and as long as we take another breath we are still alive.  So for now - I stay present in the moment, take another breath and put one foot in front of the other while I move around that which I have little control over.  Healing will happen and I will come on the other side with clarity and strength to be a better athlete and able to offer more to those I will share my experience with. 

In Case of Emergency

A few days ago I had to fill out the usual race entry form.  At the end of the form was the “In case of emergency” part.  Due to some recent changes in my life, I realized that my “in case of emergency” had un-expectantly changed.  While that took me by surprise, I found myself wondering what exactly constitutes an emergency.  Some would say that where I have been would be an emergency and there have been times that I would agree.  At the same time I am aware that there are those very close to me that have experienced a much different degree of emergency.  My friend Monica that was hit by a car while training for Ironman would assure me that there are many types of emergencies. 

While I was riding my bike contemplating this idea I looked down to see the latest scars on my knees.  Those were from my most recent need of “ in case of emergency” when I had a face-to-face meet up with the roads in Arizona.  It occurred to me that while we plan to avoid emergencies, the best laid plans sometime just change.  I could live in a bubble and avoid taking any risks.  I am pretty sure that would get me close to not needing an “in case of emergency”.  As I contemplated this concept, a truth came to me.  Living in that bubble would be an emergency of huge proportions.  That would mean that I had actually stopped living and would need an “in case of emergency” to pull me out of it. 

I chose to live this life all out.  I chose to love with all that I am.  I chose to play as hard as I can.  I chose to work with all that I am able.  I chose to lay it all out on the line.

So I sat on this blog post for about 2 months and then came the time when I had to experience a true need for an “in case of emergency” that I never dreamed would happen .  As I was riding and training for Ironman Louisville on the heels of winning my age group at the Buffalo Springs 70.3, I had another chance to meet the asphalt.  This was one of those freak accidents that just don’t happen – but did.  I was by myself and descending a road I had gone down so many times.  The next thing I knew – I was flying through the air and then a rag doll at the mercy of gravity.  I gathered my bike and my things and tried to collect my senses.  At this point I realized that my previously intact collar bone was far being in tact and was in fact in a few pieces.  I was, however blissfully unaware that most of the skin from my back was on the road.   The reality that I needed my “in case of emergency” came into acute focus.  I called my son to come get me. I called some friends in the know of this type of injury. I went to get an x-ray. And then the hard truth began to take shape – I was not going to be my independent self for awhile.  I started to realize I was going to need help with just about everything and some things I was not even aware of. 

My “in case of emergency” crew stepped in to take over.  See through this I have become aware that I don’t have just ‘an’ “in case of emergency”, but rather I have many.  I have girlfriends willing to come bathe me. I have loved ones willing to come change my bandages, to sit with me, to wipe my tears, to hold my hand, to care for my children, to encourage me, to drive me around and mostly to remind me that this is not who I am.  I am not broken, I am not alone and I am not helpless. I am blessed beyond measure.  The people that have surrounded me in this time are some of the best humans to be on this planet.  My best “move the body” friends, the most amazing team mates, my children, my incredible Coach, my family and some of the most incredible individuals that live life while loving full out.  This situation is just another that gives me the opportunity to experience who I am.  That I am strong, healthy, powerful, loved, loving faithful and happy. 

It will be some time before I will be back out on my bike feeling the head wind in my face, running in the heat of the day or pulling myself through the water.  When that time comes I will be more than ready to fill out those forms grateful that I have a plethora of “in case of emergency” individuals that chose to play in this game of life with me. I am a blessed person indeed and thankful for this sport that constantly mirrors my life back to me so that nothing is taken for granted. 

Billy Goats and Fishes

Day Three of camp was a fun one.  Having done 100x100 several times I know what happens.  Hillary makes it fun and I am sure she gets a kick out of the sensory deprivation hallucinations just as much as I do.  Although seeing some of the “deer in the headlight” looks on the first timers still is cause for some alarm.  Hillary (Aka Julie McCoy cruise director)  had also set up some Active Release Therapy for me so I knew the post swim celebration was not in the cards for me.  Good thing Tim and I got to hit Pico De Gallo on Thursday!  

The day starts with the climb up and over Gates Pass with the McCain loop.  This was strictly a “social ride” but we were still in our groups.  I have heard about the work that Tim had been doing, but as soon as we hit the loop – Quadzilla let us all see the benefits of his work at Vision Quest and solid computrainer sessions.  Still I enjoyed the ride and even though my brain was reminding me of the hit it took on every bump (which are plentiful on Arizona roads).  At the base of the pass on the way back, my friend Susan was unsure of the climb. While it is quite steep, it is really more daunting by look than by feel.  I find that there are those times while riding where the road from a distance is unnerving but once I engage it isn’t nearly as bad as it seemed.  Kind of like life.  So Susan and I tackled it together and after that she was unstoppable.  

We had a short break and then it was off to the pool. Swimming 100x100 is one of those workouts that doesn’t really compute until I am on the back end.  The best way for me to take it on is a section at a time and Hillary always gives us some good sections.  At some point my ability to do math becomes even more impaired that under normal situations.  Last year I had the privilege of leading the lane with Tim and Neal. Poor guys got to witness my inability to add and subtract thus we went on the same interval for most of the swim.  This year Coach took mercy on those at my bidding and just gave us a simple interval.  Still, we all got confused as to where we were at different times so we may or may not have swam a little more that 100x100.  Having never done drugs that caused hallucinations, 3+ hours in the pool gets pretty close I think.  Hillary likes to intensify my experience by dulling the senses while doing the first 30x100 in her lane. The oxygen deprivation from that lane lends to my incoherency on the back end.  

This was an early night because the next day was Mt. Lemmon and more adventures.