Daring

So I get released, start training, get my first 4 mile run in and then fate hits. I come down with Pneumonia. Full blown massive fever, chest pain, vomiting, coughing and dizziness. I lay in the clinic getting the bad news, antibiotic shot and a head full of "what now's". So I am couched, again! With nothing else to do to distract myself from the pain of a herd of elephants that have taken up residency on my chest, but watch movies I have had some interesting thoughts.

I have watched a plethora of movies like Rudy and St. Ralph that portray the message of "Dare to Dream". I began to think of what it means to "dare". Dreaming seems to be easy, but why are great things referred to as "dare to dream"? The definition of dare is "make bold: take upon oneself; act presumptuously, without permission". Now thing start to make sense. Big goals typically are bold and in order to even think it possible there must be some presumption and usually without evidence that would lead to success.

What strikes me as the real lesson is that the success is in the "daring'. It is in the willingness to see beyond what the evidence would insure. The lesson for me is in that the victory is in the dreaming, it is in taking the steps towards the dream. It is in staying committed to the process of the dream. That is the expressway to the soul; the toll is presumptuously staying on the path even without permission from evidence of the final destination. This is the road I choose...even while on the couch. Now I train the brain and the body will follow when it can.

game on!

Game On

I am released to begin my training. I will be in pain. I will have new sensations. I will have lost fitness. I will be back in the saddle. Everyone on of us (triathlete or not) experiences pain, new sensations and loss of fitness (physical, mental, spiritual or emotional) at one time or another. I am not special. I am only me. Sometimes I will hurt more, sometimes it will come easily, sometimes I will be frustrated and sometimes I will be elated. Isn't that how it is. I remind myself that this is the road I chose. I am part of something bigger than myself. This is my fish bowl. This is my game. It is not about who else does it, how "they" do it - It is all about how I do it. this is my life, this will define me. Not by results, but by my integrity in the process. It is not the finish line that makes the champion. It is the process of getting there that makes the champion. It is what is learned, discovered, defined, embraced, heard, accepted in the process that makes the difference on any given day. I am ready. I know now that even when I could not train - the process never stops. I am an Ironman in my head. I am an Ironman in my heart. I am an Ironman in my soul. It is MY path. Life prepares me for triathlon and triathlon prepares me for Ironman!

The lecture!

I cant believe I got it again - The Lecture. It is the one that ALWAYS comes right after "they" become baffled with my spine, "I don't know how you have been able to do all that you have" and "I am not quite sure what to do next, maybe we will try ...". Then comes the lecture. It goes like this "You need to remember that you are also a mom, wife and friend. You are young and have a long life to live". ARRRGGG!!!! Who are you to tell me what kind of life I should live. Who are you to decide who I am. Who are you to even make decision about me just to make your life/job easier. Look I exist to make people like you question your limitations. I do what I have to do so that people like you MUST realize that there is more to life than doing what is safe. Swimming 2.4 miles with 2000 other people is NOT safe, Riding my bike for 112 miles with 2000 other people, cars, motorcycles and the elements is NOT safe and running a marathon after that is not freakin safe. If not for people like us that push the limits, how would people like you even know what is safe. You are right, I am a Mom, Friend, Wife, ex-Wife, PTA president and black belt. Most of all I am an IRONMAN. That allows me to be the best I can be at all the other "safe things" in my life. You do your job and get me to back to doing mine.

Who am I

Ok so I may sound like a broken record, I admit this. However, one thing I know is that every great lesson has several mutations before is owned. So I have had some time running from this kid activity to the next. Those things that I might have skipped when focused on Ironman, I can attend now. With three kids, there is a plethora of activities that previously would have been farmed out or just missed all together. I have found myself trying to make up for lost activism, mommy guilt, forgotten treats and late showings now that training is not my excuse. In fact, (I think to myself), I don't have any excuses so get to the school, field trip, soccer field or playdate. This has evolved into a need to do everything - extreme mom-a-thon. Making bread, decorating, getting everywhere on time, shopping for the family, home repair and scheduling, taking on part time projects and so much more. Unfortunately, there is no finish line with this kind of stuff. There is no measure of progress. There is no P.R. There is no medal at the end of the day, field trip, soccer drive. There are no signs to say good luck as I leave the house in the morning. There are no volunteers handing me coffee from one errand to the next. The other moms are too involved in there own list of "to do's" to work together. Oh how I miss Ironman. I miss my team mates. I miss my coach (even though he makes me feel things I hate to feel). I miss my frustration of how and when to take a shower between pool swims. I miss those long slow rides, I miss (cant believe I am saying this) those threshold workouts. So now I just take all those "miss-ing" times and use them to create a new level of certainty. Perhaps this is serving to make me even more sure of what I want. Perhaps this is serving to make me really decide what I want to do with the next Ironman. Who will I influence? How will I use it to make a difference. How will I own my next race. Perhaps when I decide this - I will ride, run and swim. Let the healing begin